Profits would’ve soared at Hallmark stores had they carried this Yuletide classic.
If you’re one to celebrate Christmas, and you were doing your gift shopping in 1997, chances are you had Teletubbies, Giga Pets, and the debut CD from Hanson on that wish list. While it was assholes-to-elbows in the Toys R Us check-out line, you were more than likely getting bathed in a soundtrack picked by the overzealous store manager that still lived with his Mom. “Oi To the World” by No Doubt, George Thorogood’s “Rock & Roll Christmas”, and Garth Brooks with his Chinese water torture of “White Christmas” was more than enough to elicit a record number of eggnog upchucks. However, there was a 7″ slab of wax that would rescue many garage punks from the ball pit of Spawn action figures that were destined for the clearance aisle. This escape from the overcommercialized shit storm came courtesy from Flying Bomb Records, “Surprise Package”. The tracks included “Cocaine Christmas” from the Dirtys, The Wildbunch’s “Xmas Xorcismus (Ho Ho Ho)”, and a gift from underground heroes Bantam Rooster, “Let’s Just Fuck For Christmas”.
Bantam Rooster was hatched in Lansing, Michigan in 1994, featuring vocalist/guitarist Thomas Jackson Potter and drummer Eric Cook. By 1996, they had signed to Crypt Records and began working with THE go-to producer Jim Diamond for their debut album “Deal Me In”, which hit the racks the following year. In 1999, Mike Alonso took over the drummer’s stool for the second full length “The Cross and the Switchblade”, which was also released by Crypt. In 2000, the Roosters made a label switch to Sympathy For the Record Industry for the “Fuck All Y’all” LP, as well as an EP for Flying Bomb titled “Big Mess”. Bantam Rooster was disbanded in 2003, and Potter would go on to form and/or perform with Detroit City Council, the Dirtbombs, and Seger Liberation Army, among others. His latest project is a supergroup of sorts called the Choke Chains, which includes guitarist Lindsey Crappor (ex-No Bails), drummer Mark Millionaire (ex-Chinese Millionaires), and Chris “Chizz” Butler (ex-Blank Shatz). In January 2016, they released their self-titled debut on the Slovenly Recordings label, and its lyrical territory would be enough to make Tipper Gore’s panties turn brown. Rockin’ offenders such as “Safe Word”, “Let’s Try Suicide”, and “Rock Paper Rapist” would surely get the blame for any miscreant (fun) behavior.
Twenty years after Potter gave us his Christmas love song under the Bantam Rooster moniker, he gifts all of us drooling garage heads with the second Choke Chains album “Android Sex Worker”. Released on December 1 from Hound Gawd! Records, Potter, Crappor, Chizz, and the Millionaire have crafted a collection of eleven tunes that is amazingly a step up from their debut (was that even possible?). Kicking off this sublime sophomore effort is “Big Data Skeptic”, a raucous build that primes your veins for the musical heroin to come. “Mayan Starship”, plays out a sinister lean of surf/garage intertwined with a goth attitude; “I Will Break You” sounds like a lost track from Holly Golightly and Thee Headcoatees; “Cairo Scholars” is reminiscent of classic Bantam Rooster, with just the right amount of polish; “Rat Ladder” is so maniacal and demented, and its frenzy is perfect for illicit bedroom antics (or maybe that’s just me); “Android Sex Worker” is a dark, slower-paced number that brings to mind the Clone Defects jamming with Sonic Youth. “Lie From Hell”, “Galactic Overlord”, “Sunday Goin’ To Meetin’ Whore”, “One Brain Dead”, and “Put Your Hands” round out this manifesto of rock ‘n’ roll brilliance. All four members of the Chains are in top form on this record, and their veteran chops are evident. Just in time to make the “Best Of” lists for 2017 (and as a perfect “all killer no filler” gift idea for yourself), “Android Sex Worker” deserves to be nominated for many a critics’ picks for “Album Of the Year”. The Choke Chains have outdone themselves here, and it’ll be very exciting to see where they go next.
“Cairo Scholars”:
“One Brain Dead”:
To order “Android Sex Worker”, visit the Hound Gawd! Records website.
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