Art Phag – Golf

In a beleaguered world where political correctness reigns supreme over common sense, humour and simply having a damn good time, this song would NEVER see the light of day. Luckily for us, Art Phag’s ‘Golf’ was first released on a compilation entitled Beautiful Happiness‘ in the more harsher and lippier days of 1988, where men were men, women were women, and… I forget what my point is.

“I wanna play Golf, bitch!”


Later in that same year, ‘Golf’ appeared on Art Phag’s self-titled debut LP, an album that sinks lo-fi-sludge-swamp-trash-rock to previously unexplored depths. Asked once to describe his music in an interview, Mr. Phag called it “A sort of retarded stomp…”


“Where are my clubs? You hid my clubs!”


In 2017, a starry-eyed university arts lecturer with a trimmed beard and leather elbow patches, somewhat naively utilising ‘Golf’ as a sort of existentialist mock of the hurdy-gurdy whims and wants of 1980’s corporate male egotism, would probably say this… “If you dig deeply, I mean, really deconstruct the song to its bare bones, what you have here is a male protagonist with desperate and weak characteristics, probably a wall street worker, who spends his entire week being bullied by his superiors to the point that the only way he can reclaim his manhood is to dominate his wife at any given opportunity. It’s a satirical take on that decade’s fragility of both genders… male with their rapidly deteriorating position of power, and female with the yearn for an identity of equal footing.” He then chuckles and says… “I think the glass ceiling has some cracks in it.” Nobody laughs.

This lecturer… this guy… he’s right on all counts but one…


“You used my brand new pair of shorts for a rag! How could you do that to me? You fuck!”


…all the guy wants to do is play some fucking GOLF!


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Benny Two-Shoes

Filling the void between grouchy dinosaurism and current day hipster snobbery, Benny Two-Shoes is the type of guy who kidnaps control of the stereo at sweet sixteen parties and does not relinquish until every last teenybopper leaves a fully-fledged Stooges fan.   

You can listen to the latest episodes, hosted by Benny Two-Shoes, on Roadkill Radio!

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