Manic Street Preachers – Symphony of Tourette (1993)
from the album “Gold Against the Soul”
The best thing about the best of songs is what they make you feel. Actually, the best thing about them is that they make you feel something, regardless of what you’re feeling. If a song is dull, lifeless, boring, then it’s not doing it’s job. It’s the worst thing a song could ever be. The worst insult I could ever give a song, or a songwriter, is that it was something I forgot the minute after I listened to it.
This song makes me energized. I put this on whenever I’m angry, or when I need to get mad about something.
“Stutter stutter says the little boy
I want to blow a hole in my head
I swear what this world wants to hear
Trapped in what we know as truth syndrome”
Well, not only do we get some insight in the actual syndrome (see also “Tourette’s” by Nirvana) but for me, it’s also how I feel most of the time, Tourette’s or no Tourette’s. For me, a question that is always running through my head when people tell me they want “the truth” (which is what pretty much everyone says all the time) “do you really?”
“I twitch and turn while underneath
My contemporaries are so in control
Fuck you fuck you I grunt and groan
Stutter stutter can’t keep it no more”
It’s hard to be in control of yourself, sometimes. I just don’t know how my own contemporaries do it all the time, in this day and age. I think I was just born out of my time, I guess, I’ve never felt at home with today’s dress code, today’s music, today’s moral or today’s interests. I try to adapt, I try to fit it, I try to blend in, and still with a sort of teenage angst (I’m 28 now, by the way), but I still feel the way I did when I was 15: “this is fake, I wish I could tell people how I really feel and show them who I really am.” Sometimes, after meeting new people, I just come home and feel like this, but I’d say the lack of Tourette’s makes me hold it all inside. I don’t tell them “fuck you”, even though that might be the truth and what I really want to say.
“When you’re this numb news don’t register
I just opened my eyes”
We live in an age of closing your eyes to pretty much everything that goes on around us, except for things that directly affects ourselves. Maybe there’s too much bad stuff going on the world, so people just can’t deal with it and would rather just sit inside their own bubble of blogging (oh, wait… am I doing that now as well, since I just started a blog myself? Damn it..), “today’s outfits”, Instagramfilters and gossiping around on Facebook. When you’re that numb, and that closed off, maybe news don’t register anymore.
Well, I want to open my eyes. I’m too old for this, and I was too old for it even as an angsty teenager.